So my friend Patricia is LIVING OUT LOUD right now. She told herself she would not miss another opportunity to experience something and has erased “No I can’t do it” from her vocabulary. In the meantime she has jumped from planes, been to Vegas, rode horses, visited the Mormon Tabernacle and it goes on and on. All during the shocking loss of her brother she not only jumped out of a plane but she drove one! She is fascinating to me.
My friend Tammy has always been “down for whatever girl.” If you want someone to go with you to Paris, the bathroom or the 7-11 she says “Let me get my purse!” All of this, after the devastating loss of her husband way too early. He was debilitated by brain surgery only one year into the marriage. I know – I was right there – they stood up for us at our wedding 10 days after theirs. Tammy got a degree, got him promoted in the Marines from his sickbed and was one of the first to appreciate the comforts of Blair House. She’s taken me to Hawaii, Dominican Republic and Cancun and now enjoys the adventure of a great man and a truly fantastic son. She quit smoking and has managed to stay friends with me for over 20 years. She amazes me.
My sister Christy got her Masters with piddly to no financial help from her family. She had umpteen hours of labor – something like 13?? Until the doctors graciously decided that a c-section was OK to get Blake out of there. Then she turned around and did it again giving us TWO little fantastic humans who look like Charlie and Christy well blended and enthrall me with their abilities on the computer. What would life be like without these four people?? I wouldn’t want to think. She’s my hero.
I’ve always been the fraidy cat on things like roller coasters and airplane rides. I had the experiences only when I absolutely HAD to or out of dire guilt. Christy was the only reason I ever got on roller coasters at Carowinds. She didn’t want to ride by herself and Casey was a baby in Cheryl’s arms and her dad wasn’t up to riding all of them. We all rode the log flume once at Williamsburg. At the top, right before the big “Nestea plunge” Jimmy said “Last chance to get out!” jokingly and then had to grab my shirt to keep me in. In brief – all of these experiences scared me so badly I couldn’t enjoy them. Eyes closed – teeth gritted praying for it to end soon - I survived the log flume, the white lightning and a perilous ride thru a haunted house once.
Therapy has taught me that when I close myself off from experiences I am exhibiting a fear of the unknown. In brief – reaching out to something or someone new will change you in the experience. No new experiences – no changing for you.
I divorced before I could get caught up in kids and a mortgage. I’ve rented ever since and have had no long term serious relationships that would go further than temporary co-habitation at best. In short – I had chances to get off the ride early and I took them all.
In the same vein I believe – my mother was scared and frustrated. A lot about life was an unknown in her book. She went through her entire life with her teeth clenched, eyes closed and too angry to enjoy much of it. I believe I was always worried that if I had the experience of children or a husband that eventually money worries and life’s problems would turn me into a blind angry harridan. Who wants THAT? Cue Kelly Clarkson singing “Because of You”…
But what I didn’t realize until now is that I’m having experiences of my own. They’re just different and not quite as epic. Milestones like being unemployed for 90 days and getting a job again, a GOOD one! I’ll forever be grateful to Mark for teaching me that my value was double what I thought. That NEVER happens! Then going on a cruise right after. (The GALL!) Having the apartment I rented burn down with my roommates and dear dog Butterbean in it and TRULLY only being thankful that every organic creature was still OK. I once taught a couple at a resort in Mexico how to “Shake it like a polaroid picture.” Laughed my BEHIND off when a guy thought Tammy’s accent was good for someone from “Transylvania”. Must have not been that good cuz she’s from Pennsylvania – lord that was funny! I’ve danced with a French Rugby player and had a great convo with my Hillsborough French and his lord knows where English. (Mercy buckets, seafood plate!) I dropped 85 pounds once in a year (found it again!) but I’ve done that. I’ve moved five hours away from all friends and family and made a life. I’ve been great at my jobs, taking pride in keeping up most of the time. I’m not afraid to speak to strangers and have had great experiences doing so. I’ve learned to ask for help when I’ve needed and found a way to help others when I can. In all, I may not jump out of airplanes but sometimes I get pushed and I land on my feet. This is a great life and it’s who I am. I’m OK with that.
